filed in Happy Ever After
How Gratitude Ruined My Pity Party
I’ve been trying to feel sorry for myself since returning from Colorado. The reason is obvious. I went to the Rockies in search of true love, but I did not find a willing partner. As the days go by without a word from him, I’m flooded with the noisy chatter that usually follows my romantic mishaps. If only I were…. (feel free to fill in the blank here, e.g. prettier, sexier, taller, meaner.) In any case, I’m disappointed AGAIN. Could there be a better reason to sulk in the corner?
Actually, yes.
The truth is, I’m sturdy. Resilience runs in my family. (Like our desire for carbs.) I take a risk, I get hurt, I bounce back. I’ve done it a million times, or at least twenty. And now that I’m older, there’s another layer that stops my whining in its tracks. Gratitude.
Let me start with health. One friend just got out of the hospital, another is really sick. Me? I’m in great shape. I live in a spacious house in a dynamic city, with eternal summer. My dearest girlfriend, who is like a sister, is an esteemed clothing designer and every season she ships me a box of beautiful clothes from her collection, sometimes accompanied by high-end shoes and jewelry, at a family discount. (You should see my new black clutch.) Rose, who doesn’t shed and Lily, who does, follow me around. Need I go on?
In an odd way, the gratitude thing is annoying. I’d like to wallow in a little more “why me.” I want my beloved circle of friends to offer support. But before I’m able to build up any head of steam, I remember what a good time I’ve having. Why is life so unfair?
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i have to agree, life is unfair. going to ballet everyday b/c you love it – unfair!!
a beloved group of supportive friends: unfair. best friend/ clothing designer, once again – unfair! in other words, i’m weeping for you, wendy!!!
bty. can i borrow the clutch:)
xo, lt
I’m sorry to hear that your Rocky Mountain adventure didn’t have the ending you hoped for, but your attitude in spite of it is truly inspirational. When I’m at the tail end of a breakup or other collision of my romantic expectations with reality, I seldom stop to think about all the ways I have it good. But you’re so right, and, to tell the truth, the more I’ve dated, the more I’ve realized that many of the best things in my life are part of it because I DIDN’T get sidetracked by a husband.
Even though I’m a firm believer in “it would take a hell of a man to replace no man at all,” I feel hurt that you, Wendy, haven”t found true love. As a grateful friend and recipient of your kindness( not to mention your cooking) it’s shocking that men aren’t lining up. Call me jaded, I’ll answer.
I often find myself trying to balance the gratitude with the “why me” and all I can say is that some days are better than others.