filed in What Gets Me Through the Day
Post Wedding Blues
My back is out. Too much dancing yesterday at the majestic wedding of a family friend. As the official witness to the marriage contract, I was within inches of the bride and groom when they exchanged rings. “With this ring, you become holy to me,” they each said. The moment pierced my soul, as this couple formed what looks to be a perfect union.
But weddings are tough. They bring up a special mix of highs and lows – from overflowing joy for the triumph of love, to the demon question: why have I been excluded from this most natural human act?
By the time I got ready for bed last night, I was draped in self-pity. Yes, I had worn the perfect dress, shoes and purse (which totally helped, by the way) and sat next to a dear friend at dinner. But nothing could save me from the ritual bouquet toss. (Let’s toss that ritual overboard.)
Then I remembered what I posted last week, 7 Ways to Dig Yourself Out of a Bad Mood. Maybe it was time to follow my own advice. I started with #4, practicing gratitude. I gave up quickly, as it provided no relief. I moved to #6, this too shall pass, trying to recall a happier time when I felt triumphant in love. That didn’t work either. So I went to my last resort, #7. Get comfortable being uncomfortable. That’s the best I could muster before reaching for the covers.
This morning, I woke up with a better attitude. There’s nothing like a good night sleep, and some distance from the nuptials. And speaking of gratitude, last night I should have been grateful for a pain free back. Considering how hobbled I feel right now, that sounds like ecstasy.
(Photo: Mia Weinsieder)
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Perfect! You’re feeling exactly like you’re supposed to: Absolutely miserable in your loneliness and jealous of the happy couple! You better get out and find yourself a mate!
Okay, here is the antidote for this matrimanical nonsense: There is absolutely nothing wrong with you! There is, however, something very wrong with rituals that leave a large chunk of humanity feeling miserable. Let’s celebrate life instead of a “perfect union”! Everybody who is alive can participate in that! And it might actually spread the happiness…
I totally feel your pain. It is even worse when it occurs in your own family. I was a very young aunt (12 years old when the grandkids started coming along). Never in my worst dreams did I imagine that one, two, three or even four – count them, four – nieces and nephews would make it to the altar before me. The second wedding was in July, and I have two more to attend before the end of the year.
It’s a bittersweet journey that I don’t wish on anyone.
You haven’t been left out! Although I don’t know you personally, I’m willing to bet there’s nothing about you as an individual that led to you being single and your friends being married. Finding a compatible person at the right time (when they’re ready and you’re ready) has way more to do with chance than anything any one of us can do.
I’m sorry this wedding was so rough for you. When I go to weddings now, if I have a few moments of melancholy, I usually think, “Well, would YOU want to marry that guy?” The answer is invariably no. Not one of my friends’ husbands appeals to me, however nice he may be (and thank God for that!). Remembering that helps me to be happy for the couple in question because there’s nothing for me to be envious of. Plus, it underscores just how rare it really is to find someone who is right for YOU. An awareness of that rarity has helped me to stop blaming myself many a time.