In the last month, two friends in my inner circle have fallen in love. They’re gushing about it, and why shouldn’t they? This isn’t everyday news. What could be better than the first taste of a person who, at last, feels like a good fit? I listen to their love talk cheerfully, because this is what you do as a friend. You feel pleasure when someone close to you is in ecstasy. But it pierces me, too. And I wonder, how did I get left outside the party door?
Painting: I Wish I May, 2008, by Clare Grill
I can relate to your mixed emotions. My friend and I were just having a conversation the other day about how you WANT to be happy for your couple friends but sometimes, deep inside you just feel…mad, jealous, horrible, sad and then of course you blame yourself for feeling that way. If we are really honest with ourselves, we know that of course its hard to see others indulging in something that we want so much but feel that we have no control over. Its natural to feel this way.
I often wonder where my invitation to the couple world has been. Deep down I am happy, excited and thrilled for my friends; however I am entitled to feel a bit sad or disappointed with my current predicament from time to time as the wedding and baby shower invites come pouring in…I think it is only natural. However, I’m starting to get use to being single…
Amen, Sista!! I know exactly where you’re coming from. If you’ve ever seen the Friends episode, you’d get a kick out of the, “I’m 98% happy for them and only 2% jealous…” and then the gap widens into 20% happy for them and only 80% jealous. =) Good luck girlie!! =)