First Person Singular by Wendy Braitman

The “WE” Word

If there’s a dreaded moment in the linguistic life of a single person, it’s hearing your previously unattached friend who’s now in a committed relationship use “WE” for the first time – as in,         “We finally got around to seeing The Hurt Locker, and it better win Best Picture,” or, “We’re heading to the lake house for the month of August.” By comparison, “I” seems so lonely and narcissistic. But who’s to say what constitutes a WE? Why not appropriate the word: “We decided to get into bed early tonight” (me and the new translation of War and Peace) or, “We just got back from an exhausting hike in the canyon” (me and my dog Rose) or, “We whipped up a tasty Boeuf Bourguignon.” (Me & Julia, Mastering the Art of French Cuisine).

Update from 3/2: There’s still time for your voice to be heard. Polls call soon.

Fear of Falling

During the Olympic ski jump competition a few weeks ago, the announcer explained that the mechanics of the sport aren’t very complex. The biggest hurdle is calming the voice screaming in your head, THIS IS SUICIDE! Tell me about it. I hate taking physical risk, which I believe is genetic – we’re readers in my family – but I understand it’s important to go beyond one’s comfort zone. When my Pilates instructor suggested I try hanging upside down from a high bar, I heard a voice screaming in my head, WHAT ARE YOU CRAZY? We compromised. From a more reasonable height, I hung from the waist down, which felt like enough for one day. And then I went home and cracked open a book.

Don’t forget to vote!

(Image: The Equivocal Woman, 1923, by Max Ernst)

Can I Bear 6 More Months of Match.com?

I got pissed off today with “customer service” at Match.com where I found myself in the odd position of fighting for something I didn’t even want. After meeting my end of the agreement for their “6-month guarantee,” which meant contacting 5 different men every 30 days (NOT EASY), the least Match could’ve done was provide the 6-month bonus membership they promised, without making me pick up the phone and beg for it. Isn’t that just like dating?

Please go to the poll and help name a new gallery section on the site.

Image: Nick Dewar

You’re Calling That, What?

Help me NAME a new section of FPS. On March 8, I’m launching a dedicated spot, a sort of “Exhibition Room,” in which readers can look at the photography, illustrations and paintings I’ve been posting, all in one place, with links to artists’ names and contact info. Your VOTE counts!

3/8 Update: ART SEEN!
3/5 Update: Voting extended through Sunday.
3/4 Update: Poll includes the 6 entries that have received at least a couple of votes.

(Image: starting top row, left to right, artwork by Alex Katz, Clare Grill, Leonard Freed, Hayv Kahraman, Chris Jordan, Sophie Blackall, Jacob Dahlgren, Irving Penn, Richard Rutledge.)

Don’t Covet Your Neighbor’s Canapés

Do you know people who inhabit charmed lives? With their perfect cars, lovers, pets, bed linens, friends, books being-made-into-movie deals, families of origin, appetizers, vacation homes and flower arrangements, they breeze through the day-to-day, while most of us are exhausted and demoralized. They don’t seem to break a sweat. When I’m reeking envy, William, my wise therapist friend, tells me, “Don’t compare your insides to someone else’s outside.” Fair enough. Maybe on closer examination, these charmed lives really suck. But still, they make it look so easy.

(Image: Pusher Woman by Mel Kadel, whose work is featured in 2TheWall until March 2.)

What To Wear To a Check-Up

I have “white coat” syndrome. Just walking into a doctor’s office sends my pulse through the roof. I’m sure some nasty disease is waiting to reveal itself during a routine visit. So it took me 3 years to make an appointment with an internist, and as it turns out, he’s pretty cute. He told me to call him Mike. On command, I opened my mouth and said, “aaaaah,” he checked my vitals and gave me a Tetanus shot. When the exam was over, I reached for my clothes and Mike said, “I knew you were healthy as soon as I saw your shoes.” (I’d worn Salomon trail runners and a comfy T-shirt that day.) “Don’t get me wrong,” I answered. “I love girlie shoes. I didn’t feel like wasting them on a  doctor.”

(Image: Lady in Satin, 2009, by Andrea Michaelsson of Btoy.)

I Don’t Do Windows

My mother was downright adorable. She kept our house spotless and organized (including closets and drawers) worked a hard day at the office, prepared 3-course meals for the family, held hands with my father, and loved pretty clothes.

Me? I do not even own an iron.

Answered Prayers?

Somewhere along the line, I got tired of pleading for things that didn’t get delivered. (Though Obama did become President, and I prayed for that.) And yet, I started to notice that the very act of praying, took me beyond my grievances, and became its own reward, as I felt more connected to community, the world at large, and on a really good day, the cosmos.

Image: Ignored Prayers, 2010, by David Choe.

When You Don’t Inherit the High Heel Gene

I must’ve misplaced my woman’s manual:

1. How to wear high heels for a long evening, without regretting it in the morning?
2. How to apply concealer without looking like you’re wearing concealer?
3. How to keep polish on fingernails for more than a day without chipping?
4. How to stay warm in a sleeveless dress on a wintry day, especially in California, where no one likes to turn on the heat?
5. How to blow-dry hair, and not end up looking like your mother (or maybe that’s my mother)?
6. How to act like you don’t want it when you really do?

(Image: Nailpolish, 2009, by Elad Lassry)

Cooking with the Naked Chef

I’m having a crowd for dinner tonight. Chili, cornbread, and lemon bars for dessert. Feeding loved ones is a way I get to nurture, apart from massaging my dog’s ears and keeping her butt clean. Since I didn’t have a lot of prep time, I turned to Jamie Oliver, the Naked Chef, whose recipes are easy, swift and guaranteed. Oliver is also a prominent activist and educator. Check out his inspiring TED video, in which he talks about how eating right can change the world.

Recipe: Chili Con Carne by Jamie Oliver (from Happy Days with the Naked Chef)
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