First Person Singular by Wendy Braitman

Staying Healthy

While the x-ray technician was pressing my breasts between cold plates of glass this week, I thought about developing a ranking system for all the unpleasant medical procedures that are necessary for general upkeep. Take the mammogram. (Please.) It’s uncomfortable, but over in minutes, yet followed by anxious days waiting for the results. Getting teeth cleaned (which I also did this week) takes almost an hour, there are sharp tools and drooling involved, but I walk out of the dentist without a care in the world. GYN appointment? So little going for it.

(This image is a part of a photographic series by Chris Jordan called BARBIE DOLLS.  Click to his site, and scroll down to see the surprising sequence of photos. They’re amazing.)

Which Shoes To Choose for a Blind Date?

I’m continuing my pattern of spending more time getting ready for a blind date than on the date itself. I’ve scheduled one for this Sunday, and I think it’s actually going to take place. If it does, it will be the first directly related to my five months of trolling around on Match.com. Eric (not his real name) and I have exchanged about a half dozen emails, and in none of them does he seem crazy, which is a step up from the last guy. In a departure from my usual tack, I’ve decided not to insist Eric pass the “phone test,” and I will meet him, instead, without ever having spoken. Risky?

We’re assembling for 11 AM coffee in a trendy Hollywood place. Stay tuned!

Is Chemistry Overrated?

Here’s an excerpt from the always wonderful Ariel Levy, writing in The New Yorker about a new memoir on the trials of marriage by Elizabeth Gilbert, author of Eat, Pray, Love.

For all the variability in the meaning of marriage, one fairly consistent element over time and place was that it had nothing to do with love. “For most of history it was inconceivable that people would choose their mates on the basis of something as fragile and irrational as love and then focus all their sexual, intimate, and altruistic desires on the resulting marriage,” [Stephanie] Coontz writes. In fact, loving one’s spouse too much was considered a threat to social and religious order, and was discouraged in societies as disparate as ancient Greece, medieval Islam, and contemporary Cameroon. The modern Western ideal of marriage as both romantic and companionate is an anomaly and a gamble. As soon as people in any culture start selecting spouses based on emotion, the rates of broken marriages shoot up.

FYI, Stephanie Coontz is the writer of Marriage, a History.

(Illustration by Sophie Blackall from her site, Missed Connections.)

In Search of the Perfect Man (or T-Shirt)

I’m a pragmatist. When I can’t find pleasure where I’m supposed to (e.g. love, marriage, or an occasional date with a semi-coherent man) I turn to fashion. And since I’m a pragmatist, there’s nothing like the pleasure of finding clothing I can really use. So I was thrilled to have received a tip about J. Crew’s tissue tees (only available in their online catalogue). They’re a sleek fit, which makes them the perfect layering piece under sweaters and tight jackets, and sorry James Perse and Theory, they’re at least half the price. So far, I can vouch for their basic colors: black, navy, white or gray. And as of right now, there’s a 20% off sale.

(This image is one in a series of paintings by Jacob Dahlgren based on his personal collection of 900 striped t-shirts, one of which he wears every day.)

2010 Dating Update

Greg’s online dating profile, followed by his correspondence (in red, typos and all)

I am a man with midwest values who just happens to live in Los Angeles. I work in the movie/TV. industry. I have both my feet on the ground and i know who i am and what i want. I like simple things and drama is to be left for the big screen not everyday life.

I wasn’t particularly attracted to Greg’s photo (and he inconsistently capitalized the first person singular pronoun “i”) but his profile seemed nice enough, and he initiated contact, which doesn’t happen to me very often. So I dipped a toe in and asked Greg about his job.     Continue reading »

Are You Looking Forward to a Midnight Kiss?

Me, not so much. But I’m in love with this photograph by Irving Penn for a 1969 lipstick ad.   HAPPY & HEALTHY 2010 everybody, filled with lots of love wherever you can find it!

Don’t Look Back (unless it’s worth it)

By now, I’m bored with the best of the year lists, and ten times more so with the best of the decade. (Do we really need to revisit the Bush years?) What did catch my eye this week were the memorial essays cropping up about the men and women who truly changed the cultural landscape.

Like Merce Cunningham, who lived as fully for 90 years as we could only dream. During my dance phase living in New York and San Francisco, I took daily Cunningham technique classes and even tried my hand at creating a piece using the I Ching, as he famously did. (My results were less than notable.) I was accustomed to thinking of Cunningham as a master teacher and brilliant choreographer, but I didn’t realize until reading his obituaries that he’s considered among critics as one of the greatest dancers of the 20th century.

Merce Cunningham in Antic Meet, 1958. Photo by Richard Rutledge

Getting Out of My Sweats

Earlier in the aughts, as I was about to relocate from San Francisco to L.A. for a job, I wondered if I’d be able to hold onto my core values amid all the glitter. A film colleague, who lived in a sweet cottage near Venice Beach, told me emphatically, “within six months of moving, you’ll be wearing sweats to the movies.” I laughed it off, and assured him that day would NEVER come.

Eight years later, it has been a slippery slope. What started out as a “sweats ONLY in the house and around the block walking the dog” policy, has now expanded to include the grocery store, the gas station, the dry cleaners, the Post Office, the car wash, the bagel place and just last night, picking up some Chinese food to go.

I love this illustration by British artist Olly Moss. The tiny text after the asterisk reads, Only acceptable outdoors if you’re participating in a sporting activity and it’s too cold to wear shorts.

Mid-holiday Limbo

I’m having a rough holiday. During this weird week in between Christmas and New Years, I’m happy for the return of some of my favorite comforts. Two close friends who were out of town visiting family are back in the hood, as is a juicy, new issue of The New Yorker. (I’ll have to wait until January 4 for Jon Stewart.)

Traffic in L.A. remains refreshingly light, except near shopping hubs. On Christmas Day, I appreciated the utter stillness of American commerce coming to a halt (not counting the movie biz which had its greatest weekend ever!) And yet, I’m relieved that Noel, with its endless Carols and pressure to be encased in the perfect family unit, is now a full year away.     Continue reading »

Eat, Drink, Be Merry (or not, if you don’t feel like it)

I’m grateful to all who shared their wisdom for FIRST PERSON SINGULAR’s contest, Surviving the Holidays When You’re Single. Thank you for being a part of my family, and making it feel large and bountiful!

Most of your advice centered on preparing and eating delicious food, enjoying a stiff drink, and taking pleasure in a day where we have the latitude to do what we want, whether it’s being with loved ones, taking in some culture, or delighting in our own company. We have two WINNERS. Both will be receiving a copy of The Pleasures of Cooking for One by Judith Jones

Drumroll, please…. Continue reading »