First Person Singular by Wendy Braitman

How To Paint a Room When You’re Single

I  needed to paint my bathroom. Let me start this again. I needed someone else to paint my bathroom, because I am lousy with a brush and roller (you can see every stroke) which is why I never give myself a manicure, plus I hate standing on ladders. What I needed to do was choose the right color.

At least ten different times, I drove to a little paint store on Pico Boulevard. Hispanic painters frequent this store and are taken care of by an Hispanic sales staff. In all my visits, I was the only white person and the only girl, and the only one who had no idea what she was doing. I would stand edged in a corner at the paint chip stand, where the lighting was absurdly dim. Each time I considered a color, I had to lift it out of its slot and bring it to the door where the natural light came through. I took home about one hundred paint chips, not all at once, but slowly over weeks. I did so, furtively, because I couldn’t bare the workers noticing me sticking so many chips in my purse. I imagined them laughing at me in the back room, because I couldn’t settle on a color, and by association, they would know I couldn’t settle on a mate.     Continue reading »

Is There a Substitute for Sex?

I winced after hearing complaints from a few readers that there isn’t enough sex on this site. They’ve wondered why I created a category for the subject (coupled with dating) and there are barely any posts.

Welcome to my life.

Continue reading »

White Lies

Marriage is not for money, but a man should seek a wife who is mild-tempered, tactful, modest and industrious.    –The Talmud

I can do that.   –A Chorus Line 

 
You’re the world to me
I’m monogamous
Your job is fascinating
My career is not important
I’ve worked through my childhood
It’s fine if we split the check
I don’t have to talk
I exercise a lot
I don’t care if your house is a mess
My hair is naturally straight
It’s my problem, not yours
I don’t get depressed  
It doesn’t matter that you’re broke
I don’t care that your dog sheds
I love to cook
I love your family
I love your body
I don’t know     Continue reading »

Bathing Beauties

Now that we’re officially into the summer season, I’m taking my bathing suits out of mothballs, to determine how they look on me this year. I’m hoping at least one will fit. I do not want to have to find myself in front of a three-way full-length mirror, with bad overhead lighting, trying on a bikini. Does anyone, apart from a teenage girl, enjoy shopping for swimwear?

On a recent trip to New Zealand, a photographer friend, Corbin Smith, shot this artwork by a local potter and sculptor, Gary Nevin. I’ve been in touch with Gary’s wife, Julie Burns-Nevin, who is also an artist. She told me these women were based on “yoga figures, and that lots of people can relate to them.”

Susan Sontag on Marriage

Whoever invented marriage was an ingenious tormentor. It is an institution committed to the dulling of feelings. The whole point of marriage is repetition. The best it aims for is the creation of strong, mutual dependencies.

Susan Sontag, commenting on her eight-year marriage to the sociologist Philip Rieff. This 1975 photograph was taken by Peter Hujar.

Solitude of the Dental Chair

Whatever the theories may be of woman’s dependence on man, in the supreme moments of her life, he cannot bear her burdens.  — “Solitude of the Self” by Elizabeth Cady Stanton, 1892                                                                                                    

Enduring an unexpected root canal at the dentist this morning–an experience both vivid and boring at the same time–I wondered, would this be any easier if I had a husband?

Single Life With a Dog

A few weeks ago, I was introduced to Betsy Rosenfeld, author of “The Complete Single’s Guide to Being a Dog Owner.” I’m madly in love with my dog, Rose, a beautiful bijoodle (part bijan, part poodle) who I’ve had for the last four years, and though I’ve become pet savvy in the process of rearing her, I’m always looking to pick up some tips. Betsy’s book addresses the basics as well as topics specific to a single life, like “Dating and Your Dog,” “What if Your Date Doesn’t Like your Dog, or Vice Versa,” and one of my favorites, “Bedroom Etiquette,” which would’ve come in handy a few weeks ago.  This book is fun and informative. Check it out!

94 Reasons Why the Man I Haven’t Met is Right For Me

“She knew the difference between ‘that’ and ‘which,’ ” said Ms. Diaz, who acknowledged deriving a seductive pleasure from well-formed sentences.
–from the New York Times Weddings/Celebrations

He knows the difference between ‘that’ and ‘which’
He has seen a Japanese film
He has good skincare products in his bathroom
He knows what to do in an emergency
He’s charitable
He’s environmentally conscious
He’s fair-minded
He considers what he wears, but not too much
He has high thread count sheets on his bed
He’s not afraid of getting close
He likes to kiss and he’s good at it
He has something to teach me
He can carry a tune
He really cares about my feelings (he doesn’t just say that he cares)
He’s fit
He appreciates art
He doesn’t mind getting dirty
Continue reading »

The Single Ways of Mary Cassatt

As part of my ongoing search for candidates for this site’s Single Women’s Hall of Fame, and in honor of her birthday, I’m exploring the life of the 19th century American painter, Mary Cassatt.

I came across a 1999 article, “Cassatt’s Children,” by one of my favorite New Yorker writers, Adam Gopnik. It’s interesting and witty, as usual with Gopnik, and he admires Cassatt, but I was struck by some of his spinsterisms. Describing her remarkable ability to paint mothers and children, he writes of a “maiden-aunt gift for empathy.” As an old women, Cassatt became “crusty,” and when people made pilgrimages to see her, they might have “their heads bitten off.”

I’m going to spend more time with Cassatt, to see if this rings true, and get back to you.

(Painting: Woman Bathing, 1890)

How to Travel with a Friend, and Not Hate Each Other in the Morning.

I’ve tracked enough single years by now, to enjoy my own company. I don’t hesitate heading out to the movies or a gallery by myself, shoppng is a no-brainer, although dining alone at a 3-star restaurant still isn’t my first choice. (A bar or the counter, no problem.) But what about recreational travel, when roommates are a necessary part of the itinerary? My fearless and spirited travel mentor, Marybeth Bond weighs in on the subject.   Continue reading »