filed in Sex and Dating
94 Reasons Why the Man I Haven’t Met is Right For Me
“She knew the difference between ‘that’ and ‘which,’ ” said Ms. Diaz, who acknowledged deriving a seductive pleasure from well-formed sentences.
–from the New York Times Weddings/Celebrations
He knows the difference between ‘that’ and ‘which’
He has seen a Japanese film
He has good skincare products in his bathroom
He knows what to do in an emergency
He’s charitable
He’s environmentally conscious
He’s fair-minded
He considers what he wears, but not too much
He has high thread count sheets on his bed
He’s not afraid of getting close
He likes to kiss and he’s good at it
He has something to teach me
He can carry a tune
He really cares about my feelings (he doesn’t just say that he cares)
He’s fit
He appreciates art
He doesn’t mind getting dirty
He knows how to correctly pronounce pancetta and bruschetta
He picks up after himself
He has upscale taste in literature
He’s politically informed and astute, and is on the correct side of the issues
He’s optimistic
He’s chivalrous
He’s attracted to smart women
He’s cute
He has a couple of Yiddish words at his disposal
He’s gay-friendly
He hasn’t thrown away his books for a Kindle
He’s witty
He’s adept in the kitchen (or appreciates that I am)
He has a subscription to the New Yorker
He’s kind
He has close friends, and I like them
He’s good with pets
He’s good with children
He likes to learn new things
He has a sense of spirituality
He thinks I’m beautiful, even first thing in the morning
He’s patient
He isn’t the argumentative type
He owns at least one pair of shoes that* I think are okay
He’s cozy
He respects me
He’s sensual
He’s good at his job, but not obsessed to the point where he has no time for me
He has an inviting home
He doesn’t condescend
* I’m not sure, ‘that’ or ‘which’?
I’M HALFWAY TO 94. PLEASE ADD TO THE LIST!
(Photo: secret i ♥, flickr)
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Loves nature for the sake of nature
He pronounces “espresso” correctly.
He laughs when I do something embarassing.
He knows to pick up the check on the first four dates.
He says my mom’s pretty when I show him her picture.
He’s a good tipper.
His car is kept relatively clean.
He loves to eat.
He turns his phone off on dates.
He respects his mother, but knows how to set boundaries with her.
No graphic “locker room talk” with his co-workers.
Has a savings account he deposits money into regularly, but can splurge on occasion.
Actually has a passport
What is the obsession with tipping? Every one of these lists includes someone mentioning tipping. Are we seriously drawing character judgments from how much he tips? Unless it’s being used in an ironically petty sense, one might wonder why your partner is “never good enough”.
he truly enjoys giving oral sex, or fakes it well enough that you believe him.
He does everything so damn well perfectly that he excels past anything you could possibly imagine on your list…
…yet you lament that of all your lofty expectations, if only he would just tell you to shut the fuck up with your pefectionist bullshit and commandingly direct you to the bedroom.
He is nowhere near as picky as I am.
He’s the one who you believe is perfect and makes you forget that you even made a list.
P.S. I’m pretty sure it’s “that,” and not “which.”