filed in Sex and Dating
Zen and the Art of Rejection
William, my Yoda-like best friend who is also a gifted psychotherapist, has a standard comeback whenever someone complains about being romantically spurned. “It’s not personal,” he says. “It’s not about you.” Today, when I’m licking my rejection wounds, this advice makes me crazy, even though on an intellectual level, I get what he’s talking about. And so I ask him, what about when there IS mutual attraction, and you bask in the healing that comes from feeling loved and appreciated. “It’s not about you then, either.” Huh. What exactly is it that makes someone drawn to us or not? William tells me it’s wiring. And whose eyes we looked up at from our cribs.
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I’ve heard it said that we’re attracted to people who have facial configurations similar to that of our parents, especially our mothers. This is supposedly true even for girls (i.e., that they seek out guys who remind them physically of their mothers). So maybe I ended up single because I didn’t look enough like any guy’s mother? 🙂
Actually, I think attraction is hard to predict because it’s the convergence of all kinds of factors–genetic predisposition, early family experiences, early childhood experiences outside the home, the influence of the media, all kinds of stuff. But I totally agree that the bottom line is that attraction is beyond our control!
Hey, I’m not sure whether to be reassured by your wise friend’s words or scared. What if we never meet anyone with the right wiring? Eek. Nice post.
As it’s the first time I’ve been here (yours is one of the nicest LOOKING blogs I’ve come across by the way – you were recommended by Simone at Sex, Lies and Dating) I’ll inform you that I write a dating disasters blog – check it out if you get a minute.